Nobody Said it Would be Easy...

They just promised it would be worth it.
I think the sometimes the hardest things in life are the most "worth it."

But what does it mean for something to be... "worth it?" What qualifies? How do we know when something we're doing will be "worth it?"

I think it's something you can only see in hindsight. The nights you never forget. The days you fall over laughing about with your closest friends, even months or years later.
But those are the easy times, the easy choices, even the things that happen by chance. The nights that spring out of nowhere, but surprise you with how unforgettable they can be. The afternoons spent playing board games with your closest friends because you feel like it, and all your jokes, the ones only you guys laugh at just come pouring out in the craziest fits of laughter.

But what about the hard choices?
For me, going to college in Ithaca, New York from living most of my life in Northern California wasn't a hard choice. Staying was. My first semester was probably the hardest consecutive four months of my life. And then I had to go back. I seriously looked into transferring schools, going somewhere closer to home that was just as good for what I wanted to do (screenwriting). Choosing to stay though, that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Because being there hadn't been easy, and there was no guarantee that staying would make anything any better.
But I did. I'm in my third year now, and it has been so worth it. I have a whole family of friends here, and an entire chapter of sisters, and I never would have gotten this close to any of them if I had left. It's one of the most "worth it" decisions of my life. Even if it was one of the hardest. Especially then.

Those hard choices, those ones we make because we can't imagine the alternative, when there is no way out but to choose, even if it kills us, it doesn't. We make a choice, we push forward, we keep calm and carry on. Because not choosing, that would really kill us. And no matter what we do choose, the process of choosing has made us think so deeply about what really lies in the depths of our heart, that even if you feel you had chosen wrong, there's no such thing. Your heart will always lead you home. I think believing that is one of the best ways to go through life.

Your Heart will always lead you Home...
   It makes Life so worth it.

Until next time,
Alissa

And to be Grateful for It...

Hey there


So, this is a blog. I'm writing it ("I" am Alissa), and that's kind of what I do. I write. And I read. But I'm at school to be a writer - a screenwriter actually. That's something else - I watch movies. Lots of movies. And lots television.


That's actually where this blog title comes from. One of my all time favorite TV shows (I say that a lot, but I really do mean it), is Everwood (WB series, 4 seasons, 2002-2006, Gregory Smith, Emily VanCamp). Ephram (main character) is a great piano student and he narrates some of the show, usually at the end of each episode. In "Shoot the Moon" episode 3x06, Ephram narrates the college entrance essay he's writing for Amy (girlfriend, long story) and he quotes a poem by Johann Franck, "Defy the old dragon, Defy fear. The world may rage and quake, But I shall remain singing, In Perfect Peace." He goes on to talk about how the world changes, how it is inevitable, and how you can want things suddenly that you never thought you would ever want. I know what that feels like. The episode ends with Ephram playing piano and the last lines of the essay. "A place to be surprised when life turns out to be nothing like I imagined. And to be grateful for it - in perfect peace."


As I eluded, my life has taken some of those turns, wanting things I never thought I'd want. New possibilities, new people, new opportunities. And I'm trying to be grateful for it, in perfect peace.
Like ending up studying in London when, 5 months ago, the thought had never even crossed my mind.


I also try to live with the belief that everything happens for a reason, even things we didn't plan for, things we don't like, that break our hearts. No matter what, life is what it is, and we should all be grateful for the chance to live it as best we can.


But what am I writing...
I don't really know, I guess. I don't even know who I'm writing for. Mostly myself, I think. I'm very intrigued by how people think and live, and writing about how I do it, how I think about things, life, media even, could be pretty interesting. But I guess I'll just see where it takes me...


Until next time,
Alissa